I often let self doubt take over my mind with respect to running. It creeps in slowly during a difficult run, then festers in my mind until I'm about to throw in the towel completely and walk home. The distance seems too far, my pace seems too slow, the weather is working against me, my body doubles in size and so on. Unfortunately, this tendency of mine to see only the worst case scenario isn't exclusive to my running. Similar thought patterns emerge when I get stressed about work, relationships or my future. But... why do I jump to those possibilities? (Aside from that whole diagnosed anxiety issue). Couldn't I equally consider the best case scenarios? I admit, that seems like a reckless way to live. So how about the neutral scenarios? The logical and most likely scenarios.
And this week just gave me further evidence that it is this last scenario that will happen. During my speed workout Tuesday I swear I could feel the increased capacity of my lungs and the springy turnover of my legs. My 5 mile run around the canal on Thursday made me think surely that my new shoes were giving me super powers. And today, my first official long run of 8.25 miles, I felt stronger and quicker after I was 5 miles in. Scott isn't as surprised as I am when I come home triumphant. Having gone through multiple training cycles for half- and full marathons, he knows how this works. Put in the work, see the results.
So right now I am riding on what I think is actual confidence in my running. Fuck yeah.
With all this said, the next month is going to be an marathon, in and of itself. I have a big project at work that needs to be finished as quick as it can and on Monday Scott is admitted to the hospital for his second HIPEC surgery. He gave me strict instructions that I "better be in running clothes" when I come visit him each day, and I don't intend to let him down. Tomorrow is pretty much the last 'hurrah' before he is stopped in his tracks and we'll be spending it with friends and family at the More Fire run. The amount of people that didn't hesitate to jump in and donate time, funds, and items to his run makes me fall in love with Indy even more.
Don't forget to tag your running photos with #morefirerun on Instagram so Scott has things to browse while laid up in the hospital!
Great progress! I experience the same issue of self doubt taking over all the time - both in training and racing. I've learned to let it happen, acknowledge it, then turn it around. I feel like I work harder physically to improve my mental state ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura! For me, the mental challenge far surpasses the physical one... good to know even seasoned athletes like you sometimes feel it too!
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