"I'm a runner"

I initially started this blog to talk about running - but lately I haven't been doing much of that. I've done some sporadic trail running, but otherwise I've been much more interested in cycling, HIIT, or yoga.

And I'm totally cool with that! Wait, no. I'll rephrase - I am mostly cool with that.

Sometimes having an 'identity' kind of sucks. At work everyone knows that I run, so that is a common thing they bring up. "Are you training for anything?" "Did you run today?" And so on and so on. Same with acquaintances, family.... even my doctors. People get that one little detail about you and file that away. Its no fault of theirs, I do the same thing with other people. But lately I've been left to answer those questions with an "....uh not so much". And then I quickly feel the need to explain why, and blah blah blah.

Which I suppose is what I am about to do here.

Anyways. I haven't been running much because I don't feel like it. That's all. I'm letting go of the labels and just doing and being how I want. Running can become an activity where I don't feel like I am good enough sometimes. I feel that I know so much about it; what is a fast pace, what is a slow pace, what is high mileage. All those little qualifications get stuck in my head and then I start comparing myself to other runners and its all downhill from there. But cycling and yoga I know next to NOTHING about. And it's great! I love being a novice. I have absolutely no expectations for myself, no PRs to look back on, no sense of fast and slow. I leave every session of yoga or time on the bike trainer proud of myself just because I did it.

Admittedly part of my need to always run in some manner had to do with weight. I was constantly concerned that if I stopped running I would gain weight uncontrollably. But that hasn't appeared to happened (I wouldn't know since I no longer weigh myself). Regardless I am really getting over the idea that thinness = the end all be all of life. It's really such a waste of time.

With all this in mind, I am still going to be running in some capacity. I signed up to be a Girls on the Run coach this fall for pre-teen girls in the area! It's fantastic organization that aims to build confidence in young girls through activity. They even made a point in the training to emphasize that they don't care if the girls run, just that they are moving in some way. I know that I spent a lot of time in middle school worrying about being 'cool' and wearing the right clothes and trying to fit in. It would have been really nice to have some activity with friends devoted to confidence building. Especially now since all kids have Facebook and smart phones by age 13 (really, WTF?! I am so so glad Facebook didn't exist for me until college and iphones until graduate school).

Currently I am in NJ with Scott's family relaxing, eating banana whip and doing yoga everyday. And all the yoga here is apparently hot yoga. Holy smokes do you sweat a lot! So who knows maybe I'm on a path to be a spandex-y yoga fanatic. I knew my long arms were useful for something.